“My most recent relationship was with a man who seemed great early on in the relationship, but as we got to know each other more, I was seeing that maybe he wasn’t as wonderful as he seemed to be, but that was overshadowed by the fear that he might not want me or might end the relationship.”
Read Julie’s full post on Relationships:
Fear Sucks! If you ask most people who know me, I am guessing they would say that I am strong and confident and not afraid of very much. In general, I would have to agree. But, when it really counts and I look deep inside, I can see that I harbor a lot of fear that I hadn’t always been aware of. And most of it stems from a fear of not being good enough and that has wrecked some havoc on my life! Being an optimist, I can look at that last statement and say, the good news is that I have started to realize that and am really working on removing that fear.
So I want to share with you how that fear has shown up in a key area of my life: Relationships. (I will talk about how it showed up in my Career in a separate post)…
“Why doesn’t he want me? What if he leaves me? Those fears have kept me from asking two more important questions: Is he good enough for me? And does he treat me well enough? And that has left me in relationships where I have stayed too long when the answers to the later two questions were not a resounding YES! My most recent relationship was with a man who seemed great early on in the relationship, but as we got to know each other more, I was seeing that maybe he wasn’t as wonderful as he seemed to be, but that was overshadowed by the fear that he might not want me or might end the relationship. That doesn’t mean I didn’t question if he was the right guy and a strong enough partner, I did, I just ignored those answers and fought to make sure that he wanted me. He finally ended the relationship after a year and I was devastated, for about a week. Yes, I know that isn’t a long time to be devastated, but it is a good indicator that he wasn’t good enough to be my partner. I am thankful now that he ended it, because I might not have gotten to that point on my own. In hindsight I can see that I wasn’t valuing myself enough in that equation or I would have ended things much earlier on, or maybe not even started them. I am grateful to the lesson that relationship has taught me and hopeful that I am learning
to be able to skip the first two questions and just ask myself the last two questions next time I am getting ready to enter into a relationship!”