Fear Sucks! – 2nd part
In a former post I shared with you how fear has shown up in a key area of my life: in Relationships. Now I would like to talk about how it showed up in my Career:
Am I good enough to get job? What if I’m not the best at the job? And what if they want to fire me? How do these fears play themselves out? When I interview for a new job, I spend more time making sure that I am seen as good enough. Which is helpful to getting a job offer, but not necessarily in getting the right job offer. I get so lost in the process of making a good impression and getting a job offer, that I forget to, or maybe even can’t objectively see if this would be the right job for me. Which is very likely why I am not feeling passionate about my work. In terms of fearing not being the best at my job, that means I spend mental energy on showing my value, time that would be better spent actually adding value. And then fear of losing the job again causes me stress and anxiety that could be better focused on more positive endeavors.
I recently had an experience at work that caused me to face these fears face on. And let me tell you, I had a few really agonizing weeks living in self-doubt and anxiety. It didn’t feel good at all, I was spinning out of control. And then I participated in a Shawmanic Journey (non-drug induced) and came to realize I was living in the future, fearing what might happen and in doing that letting my life pass me by.
As soon as I realized that and let go, the fear and anxiety washed away. My situation didn’t really change but at the same time, it no longer seemed as dire as it had a few weeks prior and my job itself didn’t feel nearly as daunting or cumbersome. All of that freed up mind space to start focusing on the important things at work and opened up space to start exploring possible directions to take my career that I might be more passionate about. I am thankful for the new insight I am gaining into my fear and for the ability to start learning to remove it from my life. But I realize the change is an ongoing practice in awareness and I need to continue to be mindful every day as I work to learn new behaviors and incorporate them into my life. I can see already though the benefit they are having and hope to continue to make more progress.
I would love to hear from you. Have you experienced these types of fear? And what have you done to remove these fears? And if you aren’t comfortable sharing that here, I would like to challenge you to at least examine your life and find something you are fearful of and see what you can do to change your thoughts and behavior surrounding that. Believe me, I can tell you from personal experience it will leave you feeling lighter, happier and more content than you could imagine.
And oh yeah, I’m sleeping much better these days too!
“My most recent relationship was with a man who seemed great early on in the relationship, but as we got to know each other more, I was seeing that maybe he wasn’t as wonderful as he seemed to be, but that was overshadowed by the fear that he might not want me or might end the relationship.”
Read Julie’s full post on Relationships:
Fear Sucks! If you ask most people who know me, I am guessing they would say that I am strong and confident and not afraid of very much. In general, I would have to agree. But, when it really counts and I look deep inside, I can see that I harbor a lot of fear that I hadn’t always been aware of. And most of it stems from a fear of not being good enough and that has wrecked some havoc on my life! Being an optimist, I can look at that last statement and say, the good news is that I have started to realize that and am really working on removing that fear.
So I want to share with you how that fear has shown up in a key area of my life: Relationships. (I will talk about how it showed up in my Career in a separate post)…
“Why doesn’t he want me? What if he leaves me? Those fears have kept me from asking two more important questions: Is he good enough for me? And does he treat me well enough? And that has left me in relationships where I have stayed too long when the answers to the later two questions were not a resounding YES! My most recent relationship was with a man who seemed great early on in the relationship, but as we got to know each other more, I was seeing that maybe he wasn’t as wonderful as he seemed to be, but that was overshadowed by the fear that he might not want me or might end the relationship. That doesn’t mean I didn’t question if he was the right guy and a strong enough partner, I did, I just ignored those answers and fought to make sure that he wanted me. He finally ended the relationship after a year and I was devastated, for about a week. Yes, I know that isn’t a long time to be devastated, but it is a good indicator that he wasn’t good enough to be my partner. I am thankful now that he ended it, because I might not have gotten to that point on my own. In hindsight I can see that I wasn’t valuing myself enough in that equation or I would have ended things much earlier on, or maybe not even started them. I am grateful to the lesson that relationship has taught me and hopeful that I am learning
to be able to skip the first two questions and just ask myself the last two questions next time I am getting ready to enter into a relationship!”