He held my hand and said, “You are perfect exactly as you are.”
Single again after ending yet another relationship. As usual, feelings of angst and almost 40 surfaced. But I was tired of trying to make marriage happen. So, I made peace. Four days later, I met my husband, Andrew.
Three months later I knew that he was the love of my life and we got engaged. It was so much fun being with him. We cracked each other up with bad puns especially at dinner parties. No one else thought they were funny. But the giggling was infectious. For the first time in my life I felt safe, happy and on a team. Because of him I experienced what it means to love and be loved. We married a year after we met.
Eight months later, while driving home from work, Andrew noticed the peripheral vision on his left side was gone. His doctor thought he might have Lyme disease. I thought we needed a new doctor. So we saw a neurologist. He said I can’t tell you worse news. Andrew has a glioblastoma, a form of brain cancer.
After an initial prognosis of 2-3 months Andrew lived almost two years. On the drive back from his last MRI I pulled over because I couldn’t breathe. I looked at him and said, “I don’t who I am without you.” He held my hand and said, “You are perfect the way you are.”
For three years after his death I survived on tears, sleep and sweatpants. Until one day I woke up to the realization that it was time to live again and get a new wardrobe.
My word for 2015 is “Shazam.” For me it means to choose every day to live and love with equal parts grace, whimsy and belly laughter. Life is short. Live it.